Wednesday, September 29, 2004

It's kinda late right now and still raining..not exactly very heavy but it's still raining.. I'm still out here.. officially turning 18 in 1 hour 29 minutes time..

Don't feel like going home.. it's suffocating.. can't breathe.. peace never exsist there..

.. but I still have to return.. will wish myself a Happy Birthday thru my fm..

Have a nice day Cherry930

Tuesday, September 28, 2004

Didnt know where to start.. where should I?..

Heard a story from a friend, get to know him from a cyber cafe that I'm hanging round lately..and this was his story..
It was a sad one .. but I didn't react, having doubts? .. Yes.. was it just a story? Or was it really the pain that's hurting him so badly?.. even if it's true.. what else should I say? I was the listener the whole evening, and he did all the talking.. I'm not touched, neither am I feeling sympathy .. though I think that I'm starting to believe..
At the second, I don't feel like listening nor talking.. I'm not touched.. at all.. funny.. maybe it was because I'm not included into the picture.. I can't feel the pain he's losing.. and he's still a stranger anyway.. so why should I?
If I was here listening to all of this two years ago.. there might be a nice consoling and comforting topic starting up.. was so naive.. believed in every single word everyone's saying..and ended up sounding so stupid like a fool..
Don't really enjoy talking now..are keeping things inside left unsaid instead.. life's better off like that.. since it's hard to explain and make those people understand what I'm trying to say.. it was never easy, not for me..
Not good at talking nice things that makes people around feels comfortable anymore..and going speechless most of the time.. What can I say? Lack of socializing? I don't know..
In his story, she went away.. when he is not by her side.. a place where people call heaven? no one knows.. but she left this world.. he was heartbroken..and nothing is able to mend this heart which has already been shattered.. It was an accident, and he thought it was a joke till he was brought to her grave.. everything seems so unreal..it's just like another sad scenes in the movies.. He felt as if he lost everything, everything in his,their world is gone, the memories that they've kept, the dreams that they've shared, the future they thought they're going to reach.. everything dissapeared..
He thinks of her, thinks of them misses the days they were together, when she was still there .. by his side.. He left the place where memories once grew and slowly fades..locking them up, not to be disturbed.. but to be kept..
I saw her, the picture of her is so beautiful.. she was once so pretty, her smile was so sweet..and happy, they were so in love.. Do I believe him? I think I do for some reason.. and I'm so sorry for myself if I really do..
I thought.. what is over we should get over with it and just let it be.. what's important should be what's ahead of us.. and I really thought so.. the beautiful past should be treasured and cherished with smiles filled with happiness that was once there..
I didn't utter a single word.. he is still doing his talking..and he mentioned bout him.. He said that long distance relationships never works, alongside with a stranger whom you thought you love and when he's only a screen apart.. You'll never get to know who he really is behind the nickname he's using.. I'm still silent..
I knew this all along.. and I'm still in the game.. People be the identity they want to be over here, and I become the person I want to be .. just like everyone else.. It's fake, it's so unreal..and I'm still enjoying it..
No one is able to see who's behind the nick playing cute girl or great guy if there isn't a picture attached.. No one will care if your appearance is unacceptable.. because they can't see you.. they won't know..
The topic gets along smoothly,in a very interesting manner and sometimes.. very flattering too.. all you have to do is just play along, be yourself , and you'll know whether you're attractive in the inside, and what's fun is, appearance doesn't matters.. by then, you'll get all the attention you want.. Yes.. I do love the attention I get, the attention.. that I'll never have off screen..
He'll never understand..
I'm Cherry930, a sweet,naughty,cute and flirty 18 year old little girl.. in another hand, it's all the opposite in reality.. the life I'm living in.. In school, I'm invisible among the male species.. I don't have excellent grades.. so I was never a teachers favourite student.. I have no talents in anything..so I'm not talented.. and not exactly very hard working so I often failed to get what I thought I ought to have.. that is why I don't sparkle among the crowd .. Don't think there's anyone who still remembers that I do exsist.. Funny.. If I don't exsist, who the hell is the reflection in the mirror that I see? Was it cuz of my physical appearance?.. I am fat.. from the first day, 1993 till the last,2003, I still am..
I do have friends and the numbers are so small.. those whom are still with me all these years.. I'm still trying hard to keep.. not letting them slip away.. but they still do..
Remembered how much I use to love stars..it's because I thought I'm going to shine just like them one day.. I've learnt not to be envious.. and put away all the jealousy behind.. But I still enjoyed the attention..
I have very very few male friends..and if I do, most of them will be from over the net.. Never thought I'd know what's love,how to love, how to be loved?.. and I did.. sounds crazy to some people sometimes.. but feelings do exsist and were strong then.. he didnt know that I was ugly.. they don't..
If I'm not looking for what I've wanted online..where else? That was then..but now, things have changed..but I'm still in the game.. but not a constant player like before..
People cheat and lied behind the screen, and I've been in this sort of scenes uncountable times.. becoming numbed.. whether it's true or fake.. it doesn't make any differences to me anymore because once the window is closed.. everything will be gone with it just like that..
Whether I still believe in his story.. I've never played a role in stories like that.. so I'll never get to know how it feels.. I can't tell..

Wednesday, September 22, 2004

A Happy Advanced Birthday to mE!
++ won't be here on that day so won't get to post it on time


...alone in no where

Tuesday, September 21, 2004

1. I love you not because of who you are, but because of who I am when I am with you.

2. No man or woman is worth your tears, and the one who is, won't make you cry.

3. Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.

4. A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your heart.

5. The worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right beside them knowing you can't have them.

6. Never frown, even when you are sad, because you never know who is falling in love with your smile.

7. To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world.

8. Don't waste your time on a man/woman, who isn't willing to waste their time on you.

9. Don't cry because it is over, smile because it happened.

11. There's always going to be people that hurt you so what you have to do is keep on trusting and just be more careful about who you trust next time around.

12. Make yourself a better person and know who you are before you try

13. Don't try so hard, the best things come when you least expect them to.

Things Happened and There's always a reason to it

Monday, September 20, 2004

How's my new Template? Full Of Cherries huh?
:)

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