Thursday, October 31, 2002

I'll Stand By You by The Pretenders
Oh, why you look so sad?
Tears are in your eyes
Come on and come to me now.
Don't be ashamed to cry,
let me see you through
Cause I've seen the dark side too.
When the night falls on you,
you don't know what to do,
Nothing you confess
could make me love you less
I'll stand by you,
I'll stand by you,
won't let nobody hurt you,
I'll stand by you.
So, if you're mad get mad,
don't hold it all inside,
Come on and talk to me now.
And hey, what you got to hide?
I get angry too
But I'm alot like you.
When you're standing at the crossroads,
don't know which path to choose,
Let me come along,
cause even if your wrong
I'll stand by you,
I'll stand by you,
won't let nobody hurt you,
I'll stand by you.
Take me into your darkest hour,
and I'll never desert you.
I'll stand by you.
And when, when the night falls on you baby,
you're feeling all alone,
You won't be on your own,
I'll stand by you.
I'll stand by you
I'll stand by you,
won't let nobody hurt you.
I'll stand by you
Take me in into your darkest hour
and I'll never desert you
I'll stand by you.

Wednesday, October 30, 2002

been working from mornin till round 9 only arrive home..

went down to the shop to pack up the stuff for setting up in shah alam..kelana jaya .. and ampang..

mum was in a hurry the whole day.. thinking dat she'll have to set up in 3 places in the same day..
so she's starting to get blur.. dunno what she's trying to do..

on the way to shah alam.. when she read through her schedule.. then only she notice that the setup dat for shah alam is tomolo and not today.. and today she have to go to kelana jaya..
:P kept denying she's not blur.. haha.. but she can't deny it now..

so we turned back and head to kelana jaya.. juz beside the MAS building..( went there before for a seminar).. finished unpack everything and head back to the shop to prepare the stuff for tomorrows set up..
been carrying and packing things for the whole day..

nothing special happened except for my mums clumsiness.. but i did enjoy the day.. 1st time i can cope up with my bro..talked crap and joke out aloud.. din lose my temper.. and spent alot of time with mum..

:)

Tuesday, October 29, 2002

urgh~

took me ages to log into here.. to type peacefully.. aiyah~ everytime when i've typed alot alot of things then suddenly alll gone..



nuthing much happened nowadays.. as usual..

but dunno y.. :P start calling lie yuen and yen liao.. ( vvvv weird) like dat feelin.. as if we're always sticked together.. or maybe im 8 guar..





read 5 novels which ive borrowed from lie yuen.. a book on sisters and the rest of it bout ghouls and witches and sorcerers and stuff...



and there's a book, 'darkside'.. there's 27 stories in it ( all also damn boring) and 1 caught my attention.. haha.. cuz it's the only 1 i can see how the story goes..

roughly, it's bout a boy.. name dylan at the age 16 ( same age as mine)..he's from a run down family, staying with his mum in a trailer (she drinks alot).. he never knew who's his father.. he started having thoughts when he's real young (dirty and evil like raping and killing).. and that's when he started killing/slaughtering cats at the middle of the night..and that's when ppl find cats being hung dead on trees in the morning (urgh~ gross).. there's a time he feels like murdering his mum too..

and there's once.. he likes a girl.. name april.. then.. 1 day.. he gathered up courage and went over to her place.. cuz it's kinda hard to find her mum n sis not hanging round..

knocked on the door... and talked.. he showed some intention of going INTO the house.. but she defended a bit.. and he took out a knife..leading her into the room..
asked her to take off her sweater.. then jeans..
pushed her onto bed.. pinning her onto it.. and cut off her bra using his knife..
tied her hands with her bra.. cuz there's nothing else he could find to keep her still..
when he reached her panties.. she started to struggle..keep fighting back..

and then.. he stabbed her into her tummy..

and killed her.. (urgh)

Sunday, October 27, 2002

loo kuan also called me this morning.. he said dat i sounded cool last night.. asked me whether there's anything wrong..

everyones wondering what've gone over me..

well.. maybe i really look depressed guar.. even lynn also tot so..

actually.. i dun feel so.. juz felt.. uncomfortable.. thinkng too much...

im fine.. im okay.. i wont kill myself..





and by the way.. how does my new template look? should've starz on it .. shining glimmerng 1.. but dunno y.. and yen did it for me..
:)

Thursday, October 24, 2002

wake up.... from your dream

stop fantasizing.. picturing the perfect things
stop being foolish.. and wake up to see who you are
stop tormenting yourself by getting confused of who you really are..
stop the tears you've tried to hold back.. but still rolled down your cheek
stop making people round you feel bad and guilty.. by hurting yourself
stop thinking that you worth nothing..
stop feeling small.. you know what u have .. and what others have which you can't compare them together.. you should've known that you are you..

you have all you need.. just that you didnt notice dat it's right infront of you.. and that is why you kept demanding for more..
you know how to love.. but you don't know how to show your love
you have a big heart.. big enough to fit in everyone and not just about any guyz.. but also your mummy and daddy and siblings.. friends.. whom love you as much too..


tell yourself you love yourself.. if you havent.. promise you'll try.. cuz you can't go on like this..

you have the world.. made up just for you by you.....

you love you.. and you will

Monday, October 21, 2002

went to lie yuens place with su zzen.... doesnt turn out wut im expecting..


watched 'calmi couri appasioniti' a movie by kelly chen and yutaka takenouchi
no wonder yen love it so much.. undeniable.. it's really good.. at least i got my eyes wet in some of the parts.. but not sure whether its wet cuz of the movie or something else..


don't actually think i should be there.. not to say bored.. but i don't have any clue y im there..


n finally.. can't hold back anymore... while listening 'chong kai si dao xian zai'
finally manage to cry out the tears.. over on lie yuens shoulder..

Saturday, October 19, 2002

duh!~ finally get to log in.. damn pc..







exams: finally over.. hahah.. but the feeling is still the same.. no feeling.. got to admit.. not kinda serious in this exam.. so gave up before even before the paper starts..
caught a bad flu on the first day of exam..kept sneezing n sneezing.. n my nose kept running.. worse then my house pipe.. + sumthing wrong with my eyes.. it's bloody red... feeling unwell..
the 2nd day... i was absent so i skipped bio n add maths paper...got to know chin kuans back from japan and there goes the third and so on days..
and my art.. thought i might get the best result among all subjects..but then...u won't believe how damn childish the piece of shit was.. so childish.. my lil sis can do much more better than that.. yucks..
looking around at others work.. man i feel so so so useless.. should'nt have take art at the 1st place..
never should.. cuz of that Munap lor.. if it's not cuz of her i also won't go n take art.. ( blame ppl pulak)..
:( but it's still my fault... too 'terburu-buru' .. damn.. felt like tearing the paper into pieces n dump it into the bin.. ill lost my 30 % by then... (the hell i care.. fail also fail so many times liao)
then my 2nd paper.. as sux.. and as childsh.. drew a manga girl.. looks so.. not normal.. n as usual.. sumthing wrong with the colours.. im stupid with colours.. always weak in it.. i mean vvvv weak.. wut if the worlds juz black n white? ill master in juz bnw sketches.. :P dun be silly.. without colour there wont be blue.. without blue.. i wont know how beautiful the colour is... ( so damn fake)


chin kuan.. she came back from japan.. bringing back for us a ... dummy (bu dao ung) ( guess dats wht they call it) vv cute..
missed her.. vv much.. but din really see her 'properly' until today...
ken yip got me a letter set.. :) vv nice.. it's made out of recycled paper.. n it's purple n colour..
eunice.. gave me a good luck charm.. hahah cuz im always in a bad luck..




then today.... was the last paper..n we went straight to c u there right after school... 1st.. it really gave lie yuen n me a fright.. cuz zzens frenz frenzzz were there.. 4-5 of them.. frightening~
haha can c lie yuen feeling uncomfortable n she suggest we go to look around in venus art..n we went lor..
went to c the wooden structured hands... so nice.. n the price is even nicer.. :P rm85 for a hand..
n its a small 1.. then we head back to c u there.. cuz lie yuens gonna die of hunger..

the crowd was still there.. n we're silent for a moment( me n lie yuen n chin kuan).. still feeling uncomfortable.. till they left..we start on our own talk liao.. chin kuan told us her story in japan..
mon chien n mei tin was there ( pui see's fren)

after lunch.. went to klcc.. actually for a movie.. then.. haih~ as usual.. everything messed up..
walk around while waiting for yen( piano class).. n went into kinokuniya.. and saw a crystal.. with a piano in it.. a grand piano.. really relly beautiful..n the 1st thing we thought of is.. 'YEN YEN'
poor lie yuen.... she suddenly ask.. 'howcome no one thought me ger?' .. can sense how hurt she felt liao..
+ when she ask ' when u see what only u wll think of me ler?'
hai.. when she's happy.. she's smiling.. when she's unhappy.. she's also smiling.. no one knws when she's really happy or unhappy.. no one noticed.. .... im wondering.. how does it felt? deep down inside..
are we being unfair to her?

after that.... everything spoils my mood..

yen arrive round 5 sumthing... i din talk much with her.. dunno y.. juz dun feel like talking anymore.. walking farer n farer from the crowd.. hahah trying to be 'cool' :P

went into a toyshop.. saw alot alot of toys.. a paradise for kids.. a place my sister never went...toys she never owned..
1st promise to myself, BUY A BARBIE FOR HER AFTER I GET MY SALARY!


suddenly felt useless when thinking bout my art.. felt small.. really really small.. n dunno y.. ugly..
:) maybe too many pretty babes round me guar.... juz felt im ugly.. vvv ugly...
cuz din talk to yen.. she tot everything was a joke.. a sick joke.. but i dun wan her liao.. but the stupid divorce n husband n wife thingy...childish arent we? but its not joke.. seriously NOT a joke..
din say i wan her to feel guilty ... juz.... there r still things that i dun know how to put it in words.. have to be responsible on wha i have said..


back at home.. dad ask me howcum so late.. howcum din come home only go out.. howcum wear liddat..
damn! wear like wut? everytime also wear same thing.. till now only say..

wana buy new sketch book..... but dunno how to ask.. then dunno howcome suddenly talk bout dad..
and this n that.. and.. as usual...tears kept roling down my cheek without me noticing it.... (stupid)
urgh~ howcome parents always think that their child will never know how much they love them???
sometimes.. things can't be told out just by words..
i don't understand.. .. i really don't.. im lucky enough to have healthy parents and siblings...wut else do i want??
in their mind.. they think we're asking for more and more.. and.. haih... dunno duncare..

Tuesday, October 01, 2002

will update after exam..
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